I like being busy. Our house is always getting messy with stuff, and deep down I’m not the biggest fan of clutter. I can’t sit and relax and enjoy what’s in front of me when there is stuff to put away or dishes/laundry to clean. I can’t stop my mind from thinking about projects and ways to make money that will contribute to our bills. And it all just never stops. So I never stop. That’s just the world we live in and the demand I feel on my body and my mind is the norm I’ve accepted.
But my baby needed me to hold her today. And so that’s what I’m doing… holding my sweet girl that is three months today. Listening only to the quiet of the house in a dark room while she sleeps on me in the bed I share with my husband.
I’m learning. Learning to stop and enjoy what’s important. Staring at all the changes in her that have happened way too fast already. Understanding that I need to stop being so busy and missing these simple moments. Realizing that although my world encompasses so many details and to do lists and events… her whole world right now is just me, her dad, and her sisters.
Her heart is pure. Her emotions are pure. Her understanding of her little world is pure. So I need to protect that with everything that’s inside of me and make some life changes.
I don’t want my baby to think my phone is an extension of my body.
I don’t want my baby to not cry because she thinks if she does no one will come anyways.
I don’t want my baby to learn that keeping busy is the norm.
I don’t want my baby to grow up needing instant gratification or having attachments to electronics that stimulate her more than she will ever need.
I want her to be at peace.
I want her to enjoy music.
I want her to make up games and dance routines that help develop her brain.
I want her to find entertainment in watching the clouds go by, hearing waves crash, and feeling grass between her toes.
I want her to live life being humble, helpful and kind.
I want her to understand the value of looking someone in the eye and having a genuine conversation with them instead of staring at her phone half listening and nodding to make them think they were heard when they weren’t.
I want her to live fully in love with her life because it’s surrounded by quality time and quality people.
We always think we have life figured out but we don’t realize we have nothing figured out until we are the ones responsible for our own children.
For her I will be better. And in turn I will become a better person for me too.